Run away, Ela

If I can get my shit together, I’m gonna run away and never see any of you again.

Fall Out Boy, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)

I’m at that stage again in my life where I want to disappear. I’ve written before about how there are points in my life where I want to pack everything up and move elsewhere, by myself, and start the fuck over.

But I know there’s no running away from mistakes. There’s no running away from emotional baggage and there’s no escaping responsibility, no matter where you are. Even if I do run away to Baguio/Cebu to start anew, at the end of the day, I will always be burdened with my own self.

And oh, how dearly I wish I weren’t so burned out. I am always exhausted and I sleep too much. I distract myself with YouTube and Netflix, and sometimes cooking and exercising. My cats have been helping relieve me of this heaviness, but I find myself a lot of the time wondering whether this is all there is. If so, what’s the point of continuing?

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