anything goes

We will all turn to dust

I've been feeling like shit these past several days. Not wanting to do anything but stare off into space, not wanting to go to the gym, not wanting to write… I force myself to do all these, but I don't feel like it. I think I'm in another depressive state.
I cannot help but think of how we're all going to die. And how I might be wasting my time here on earth. And how it's all meaningless anyway because eventually we will all turn to dust.
I was fine, okay? Matter of fact, I was fucking great for a while. I was productive at work, maintained a healthy relationship – hell, I even moved out and got a room in QC. I was doing amazing. Then this depression shit had to hit me again.
I feel so dumb for having thought that I'd beaten depression. It's an illness, a war I'd be waging throughout my life. I just can't seem to accept that it's always gonna be full of ups and downs – I'm always so pumped about the ups that when the downs get me, I'm stumped.
Anyway, at least I've been keeping moving. I take hot showers to make me feel better. I watch Netflix a lot (Brooklyn Nine-Nine has gotten me out of bad spots). I buy ebooks off Amazon to get me back into the habit of reading, which I sorely missed. I try to take care of myself the best I can.
I try to keep moving. But it's hard when you know you're going to do it all over again the next day.

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2 thoughts on “We will all turn to dust

  1. It’s so hard. I started therapy and that’s been so helpful. I also created a weekly category on my blog about self care. It reminds me to do things I like every week. If you want, check it out and see if it helps you.

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