anything goes

I need to give myself a break

The Best Friend always says that I’m too hard on myself. He usually tells me this when I rant to him about how shitty I am as a friend/daughter/worker. Hell, he tells me this when I tell him about how shitty I am overall as a person.

Most of the time, I feel inadequate. Like somehow I’m failing at life. I feel like I’m mediocre at everything, from blogging to makeup application to being a girlfriend. I like being perceived as a jolly person (I’ve heard that more than once) because it makes me feel like I’m contributing to the world somehow.

What I usually fail to realize is how much I impact the people around me. Apparently, my presence has a positive effect on others. I make them laugh, I listen to them, I make them feel good about themselves. I support them through bad times and I cheer them on in good times. Literally the only one who says I’m a bad person is me.

So I wonder, what’s with my low self-worth? I have a family and friends who love me fiercely. I have an awesomely supportive boyfriend who is patient and kind and who nourishes me. So why can’t I seem to love myself just as much as they love me?

If I ever heard a friend talk shit about themselves, I’d call them out on it immediately and argue that they are an amazing person (THEY FUCKING ARE. My friends are the best.). Why can’t I treat myself as well as I treat others? Is it because my self-esteem is so low that I don’t think I deserve that much care and affection?

I want to treat myself better. And no, that doesn’t mean treating myself to a buttload of makeup (though that never hurts). That means talking to myself in a better manner, telling myself that I do deserve love.

It’s going to be tough undoing years of this bad habit, but it’s going to be worth it.


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3 thoughts on “I need to give myself a break

  1. I feel the same way as well some times, I guess it’s in human nature to not always see yourself how others that love you do. All that matters is that you’re trying to do better and everyone deserves some self-love! 🙂

    Like

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