H is for Happiness

(Or the pursuit thereof.)

As someone who has been struggling on and off with depression, happiness does not come easy to me. In fact, some days, it just doesn’t seem possible. How can one be happy when she is filled with dread over the future and sorrow over the past?

I have been unhappy for the past couple of years, mainly due to a plethora of problems that I had to deal with one after another. 2015-2016, may you rot in hell for giving me the biggest heartaches of my young life.

Also, I’m not an optimist, so I don’t look forward to the future. In fact, it fills me with fear that I might not turn out to be the girl I want to be – in my career, in my love life, in my personal growth.

However, thanks to therapy and meds, I’m able to experience joy again. It comes and it goes, as it is wont to do, but at least I know now that I’m still capable of feeling it.

I’ve since learned not to look so much at what I don’t have, and to appreciate what I do have, which is a lot. I have a family who loves me, friends who take care of me, a job that allows me to live comfortably… I mean, seriously, the list goes on. In fact, some people might even question whether my depression is legit (which is an Asshole Move on your end, friend) given that I have so much to live for.

All that being said – I know, and The Best Friend agrees, that happiness is fleeting. But now I also know that it’s worth aiming for.


2 thoughts on “H is for Happiness

  1. Because happiness is a mood and not a destination, it’s okay not be happy sometimes. As long you know how to be. 😉
    It’s also okay not to feel happy despite having the things/people that make you feel grateful.
    You’re doing great, Marist! ❤


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