depression · my back has been breaking from this heavy heart

Pointless bullshit

Help, everything feels like pointless bullshit. – Me, to The Best Friend

Thank god I have someone like him to listen to my crap. We’ve been best friends for 7+ years so he’s used to my existential dilemmas, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to respond.

And to be honest, I dunno how someone could respond in a way that would make me feel better. Life is a series of meaningless bullshit and nothing we do will ever matter because we will all die anyway, so what’s the point? Might as well get it over with.

I’m so exhausted of trying to remain positive. Depression is a bitch to fight and I know I have no choice but to get through it, but some days it feels like I’ll never get better. Some days it feels like I just need to give in, just so my brain will finally be quiet.

I’m also sick of having to be taken care of. I want to move out, but my mom won’t let me until I’m better, which is probably for the best. Still, I want to try to take care of myself, which I feel I can only do if I’m thrown into the deep end and go live alone.

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2 thoughts on “Pointless bullshit

  1. I can relate to everything you said in this entry. I also have a good friend who I have known for years. He is not mentally ill himself, yet he’s been there to listen etc to my own existential woes. I know that I would be in a worst place without him being there for me. A far worst place.

    I find that just exercising, meditating, eating healthily etc are all ways in which I can focus on the here and now. Some days it even works so well that I forget the fact that I’m going to die one day. Other days no matter what I do my whole world comes tumbling down.

    I think it will always be a part of me, but I feel like I owe it to myself to continue to fight, if that makes any sense?

    Like

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