I have a lot of feelings · my back has been breaking from this heavy heart

Pipe dream: Baguio

For the past several months, I’ve been dreaming about moving someplace no one knows me. To be specific, Baguio. It’s appealing to me since it appears to have all I need (convenience stores, cafes, and bars), and my mom lived there in her twenties so it feels right to do the same.

But I know I’m not gonna do it. At least, not now. Here’s why:

•I have a good job which I’d hate to leave.
•If I took a job in the Cordilleras, I’d be taking a pay cut for sure.
•I can’t bear to leave the people in my life. Just the thought terrifies me.

Still, I can’t help but fantasize. A fresh start. A clean slate. Someplace no one knows me or my history. Taking long walks in the cool air, writing in a café, drinking beer in an open-air bar.

Of course I wouldn’t be able to stand it for too long, and I’d go back to Manila eventually. But the dream feels so right.

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