On expectations

If you expect nothing, then you will never be disappointed. It’s a credo I try to live by but fail to do so.

I like to think of myself as a pretty laid-back person, but as The Best Friend can attest to, I am not as relaxed as I want to be. I lay out plans for my life, I have a timeline, and when I fall behind schedule, I freak out completely.
I have high expectations of the people in my life because I like to think the best of them. I have even higher expectations for myself, because I never want to be complacent. I keep pushing myself to be better: kinder, more understanding, more patient. And again, when I feel that I fail to meet my standards, I get depressed and question my worth.

It seems that I keep setting myself up to fail, because I’ve been stuck in this cycle for years now and I can’t stop. The only path to self-improvement I know is self-loathing.

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