Obligatory warning to the oblivious: *SPOILERS AHEAD!*
Being a huge fan of Fables
, I obviously enjoy reworkings of fairy tales, so the trailers for Maleficent
piqued my curiosity. What backstory could she possibly have to make her curse a child this way? Also, the trailer showed epic battle scenes: was she a commander of a magical army? Was she a complete badass who got pissed off at the humans’ arrogance and wanted to show them real power
? That’s what I’m talking about!
Unfortunately, Maleficent fell short of my expectations. It was a visual treat, to be sure, but the character development was sorely lacking. Worse, there were plot holes the size of craters.
Let’s start with Stefan cutting off Maleficent’s wings and carrying it home. The moors were populated by magical beings who could have easily overtaken this mere human. Are you telling me that no one saw him lugging along this obtrusive item, the trophy of his betrayal? Everyone in the moors knows that Stefan and Maleficent are close, and no one ever thought, “Whoa, that might be Maleficent’s wings he’s carrying! What’s he doing with those?!”
And if you’re saying, “Well, everyone in the moors might have been asleep at that time,” let me remind you that Maleficent’s wings can fly even when they’re detached from her body. Remember when Aurora found Maleficent’s wings, shaking encased in a glass cabinet? Couldn’t her wings just have flown back to her and reattached themselves while Stefan was taking them home? Why did they wait until they were trapped in a closet to start struggling?
Moving on… Using the three fairies as comic relief were a bit of a stretch. Not being a fan of slapstick, I didn’t enjoy it very much. Also, because I was unsettled to see Dolores Umbridge as a bumbling fairy instead of a manipulative, evil witch.
Aside from being annoying, the three fairies were also grossly incompetent. When Maleficent starts cursing Aurora, the trio just idly stood by, clutching their hands in horror. All it took was a sweep of Maleficent’s hand to trap them in a chest, and even when they opened the lid, they just watched instead of actually helping.
|Come to think of it, no one in the entire castle had the presence of mind to stop the dark fairy.
What was the use of all the guards and knights, then? They could have at least tried to tackle her or something.
Why King Stefan bothered to entrust his precious child to the three stooges is beyond me.
As the film progresses, they proved to be more useless than ever. Protecting Aurora was supposed to be their sacred charge, but they spend their time bickering and throwing shit at each other with nary an idea as to where their little girl is. This is supposed to be endearing, really? Instead of doing their jobs, they let Aurora run around willy-nilly in the forest until she stumbles upon the moors and spends all her days there, together with the same dark fairy they were tasked to keep Aurora away from.
The part that enraged me the most was when King Stefan spent more than a decade ordering his troops to kill Maleficent, yet he only remembers that she’s vulnerable to iron when it was convenient to the plot. Hey, your highness, do you remember when you cut off her freaking wings using an iron knife? Remember that? How far gone is your memory, sire? Did you really have to dramatically stab a wooden table with an iron dagger just to recall that crucial bit of information?!
All said, Maleficent was predictable and ultimately forgettable. The best part of the movie was her cheekbones:
Seriously. How did they do that?