I have a lot of feelings · lists

Wow, I can make a post about sembreak sound depressing

When I think about it, a lot of my blog entries start off with a variation of the sentence “I’ve been feeling crappy lately” followed by changing the subject, the usual formula for which is:

[Casual admission of heavy emotion such as heartache or misery] + [lighthearted word like anyway to shake off my embarrassment] + [complete topic change]

Accurately describes me when forced to own up to my ~feelings~. Case in point: I was talking to Kat about something that made me uncomfortably emotional, so I abruptly said goodbye and ran to board an FX, escaping the conversation. Not one of my best moments.

So anyway, sembreak is finally here! I should be stoked but I’m not really; I feel blue and tired and taken for granted, and would someone just give me a Prozac already so I can stop listening to The Cure and wanting to cry? I’m disgusted by how low I can feel.

One month without school is four weeks with nothing to do except lay around. I want to be productive, but I don’t think I have the energy (and money) to keep going out.
I’m making a to-do list for sembreak anyway so I could look back and feel bad that I didn’t do anything noteworthy on my break, like last summer.



• Volunteer at PAWS.


• Write to my sponsored child, Irene.


• Catch up on TV shows and movies.
Hell’s Kitchen is my new favorite show; watching Gordon Ramsey scream obscenities at the chefs for screwing up gives me cathartic thrills.

• Read the books I’ve been stocking.

I bought Flaubert and Hemingway because I want to know my classics; I’m way too immersed in contemporary reads, i.e. Palahniuks.

• Listen to new downloads

Old-ass albums, I know, but I love rediscovering songs (especially JoJo’s Baby It’s You).

This crappy mood has got to go away, so, please, please, please, let me get what I want (what I want is inner peace and happiness but I’d settle for a happy sembreak).

Let me just get this out of the way: I feel pathetic and washed out and stupid and unloved and emo. There, I said it. I am not completely unable to express human emotion!

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