My mom and I spend many meals at the dinner table discussing how our funerals should be arranged. It’s morbid, but I want to know how my mom would want to be laid to rest (knock on wood) because I’m terrified of screwing up her last wishes. Yeah… I’m weird.
I also have a very specific plan about my funeral. I mean, it’s the last time people are going to see me, I want to go out with a bang! In case I die an untimely death, I’m posting my last wishes here. Tell my mom about this and make sure she doesn’t leave anything out, heh.
|Photo taken here.|
Bury me in my favorite clothes: a black shirt, short shorts, and sneakers. Don’t forget a pair of quirky earrings, and a wristwatch that doesn’t work. Oh, and make sure the mortician applies black eyeliner on my lower lids (I usually don’t wear eyeliner because it always runs, but that’s not going to be a problem here, obviously)—so punk rock.
Here’s the photo to be printed out and displayed on top of my coffin during the three days I want to be mourned. (Is mourned the right word for burol? Lolwatever)
|I chose this because I had a genuine-happy smile, not a bullshit fake-happy smile. Also, just find someone to edit the background, because I am NOT having my graduation photo as the photo at my funeral. I am just NOT.|
No funeral of mine is going to be without musical accompaniment. Probably no one’s going to be in the mood for Fall Out Boy, and I really don’t like common funeral songs like One Sweet Day and The Promise. Somewhere Only We Know by Keane is beautiful and melancholy, and even though it’s not really a “death” song, I’d love for it to be played, as well as Vitamin String Quartet’s version of The Cure’s Maybe Someday.
At first, I suggested to my mom that I have a guest list for those who’ll be attending my funeral. Like, seriously, if you never really liked me and I’m not really a loss to you, what’s the point in you going? I’ll just probably haunt the shit out of you for being such a frickin’ phony.
But then my mom scolded me and said that it’s my funeral and I should be open to people because it’s the last time they’ll see me.
Eulogies will be given by the following people:
- Mom, of course. I hate to bother her with this, especially when she’s sad, but I really would like for her to say some words about her only child. I hope she delivers it with a few of her hilarious jokes, just to break the bleakness. (Of course, if everyone is happy at my funeral, I wouldn’t think I’ve lived my life well at all.)
- The Best Friend, to test the limits of his ~emotional stuntedness~. I’m kidding, of course—I want him to talk about our geeky moments (and slip in a The Breakfast Club reference and an Aimee Bender quote) and how he’ll miss having such a fine dork around. Ehem.
- Gab, because the eulogy she wrote for me for our Filipino class moved me to tears. Her eulogy was perfect and so spot-on that I melted at how well she knew (and loved) me. #cheese
Like my mom, I don’t want to be buried. I want a cremation, and I want some of my ashes to be scattered and some to be saved in a pretty urn. I don’t know where I’d like my ashes to be scattered. In a bookstore, maybe? Or on a beach, and somewhere with a beautiful sunset.
I joke with my friends that they can divide my ashes among themselves so they can carry them around in tiny glass pendants, but really, even in death, that’s a bizarre thing to ask.
Whew. Patay na nga lang ako eh ang dami pang arte.
I write this with equal parts humor and seriousness, for as much as I poke fun at it, I really do want a great send-off. So please, Mom (or whoever’s going to bury me), don’t think I’m just dicking around here.
Thanks in advance for putting the FUN in FUNERAL,